Monday, February 14, 2011

Visible Improvement

Last Sunday was an especially frustrating class for me personally. Here's what I wrote in class during my moments of internal struggle:

"I'm tired. I don't see the shapes he [Kevin Chen, the teacher] is describing and it's frustrating. The man we are drawing, JJ, is an older black man, with long grey braids in a ponytail, and he is wearing silken robes. He's very striking and looks like quite the character. We are focusing on capuring likeness and I can't help but thinking, "I'm not doing this man justice". I keep telling myself, "Relax, just draw what you see", but my mind's background brain chatter is relentless in its negative commentary. It is distracting me with doubtful thoughts, and keeps spinning, pointing out and reminding me of everything I've already forgoten from Kevin's demos earlier."

Eventually I muddle through. In the end I step back to realize, this is one of those moments where I could see a real jump in improvement. After hours of fighting with myself, pushing myself through all this in class practice, it actually shows.

I am worn out.

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